he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
