does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He passed out mid-signature
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
