Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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