Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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