i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
