I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
