I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sober January is a disaster.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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