They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
