So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
