I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
how does that bad decision feel?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
