u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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