Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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