Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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