I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
