You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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