I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
