3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
