After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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