Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
