we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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