Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
