drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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