It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize