No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
