a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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