Don't make out with my wife yet
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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