I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
