So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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