My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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