I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
