i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
