Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
