finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
