true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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