I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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