You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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