Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
