I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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