Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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