You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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