Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
