did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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