In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she told me i tasted like america
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
