my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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