you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
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