You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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