Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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