If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
