you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
