apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
