i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
