Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
