my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
