Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
