I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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