So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
