tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
