Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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