I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
