I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
