That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
