So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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