Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
