i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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