it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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