i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
