Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
