An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
